She.

Will you break the glass?

She is too scared of love, she believes.

She builds walls of glass around, seals it with brick and mortar. There are few places, left untouched; a see-through area to connect with the world.

There are times when people come closer to the glass, it almost feels like love.

It isn’t love, just an illusion of closeness. With time, that illusion becomes comfortable – even with a glass wall. When no one tries to break the glass, she loses interest. Well, for her it is better that way – she remains protected.

There are people constantly trying to break into her space – hitting the walls with clubs and hammer. Not everybody finds the see-through glass wall either.

She, on the other hand, doesn’t stop at one place. When she loses interest, she moves on or just stares at the walls or into oblivion. Maybe that creates anger within the people trying to get in through the glass wall – when they can’t get her attention, they scratch the glass walls. They are hurt, of course, they thought it was love.

However, they don’t know, that it is not love – they aren’t even close to her. They just see her but feel nothing!

The shrieks of nails on glass hurts her, makes her feel guilty for not letting them in…
…or at least for not telling them that unless they’re on the inner side of the glass wall, they can neither feel her nor the love.

Unless she doesn’t let them in, it is not love. It isn’t sheets of ice but glass which their love can’t thaw!

She cannot let them in.

She hasn’t loved yet.

She is too scared to love.

Are You Anticipating Someone?

“Whatever you’re meant to do, do it now. The conditions are always impossible.”

~ Doris Lessing

Who’s at the door?

 

The other day, I was expecting someone to be at my door to collect bills.

I had to pee, but I thought let the bills be paid and then nature’s call shall be attended to. Moreover, it makes me awkward when someone is at the door while I’m in the loo.

I waited and waited.

Only when my bladder could take no more, I took off!

When I came out of the toilet, this thought transcended upon me – that this anticipation defines the lives of every human.

Suddenly I was a new person with this brilliant knowledge!

This is what we keep doing every day, don’t we?

We expect opportunities to knock our door while we keep waiting instead of doing things which we should be doing. We keep everything on hold and wait for things to happen and while we keep anticipating, time elapses and ultimately gets wasted because we haven’t really done anything.

What we should be doing is – pee when we have to and if there is a knock on the door while we are ‘doing our thing’, rush. Things can wait sometimes. We have to juggle the priorities.

If we miss the opportunity, at least we emptied our bladder.

What if we are left with time in hand even after peeing and the opportunity still hasn’t knocked yet?

We can still anticipate, only, this time, our bladder isn’t bursting!

Hence, just keep doing things which you should be or which you have to. When the right moment arrives, you can get hold of the opportunity!

Ambedo

 

Melancholy

11:00 am

She lay there motionless, soaking the energy from the universe. She thought she had finally learned to survive…

Her eyes met with that of a tiny lizard, it ran off few seconds later; she kept staring at nothing. From the balcony, she heard the squirrel talk and shout – the tea was getting colder – she, for once, let things happen the way they did and didn’t care at all.

---

 

4:00 pm

She hears the doorbell again.

Her stomach churned, yet another time. Was this him again, she feared. Will it be another war where her self-respect loses to shame and guilt? She sat there for some time – wondering if she won’t open the door, she might not have to face him at all – that he would leave.

Why would he come again after few weeks? Was it something that he left? Or was it just to scare her and assert his power once more?

I won’t let him inside my house this time – I’ll shout and create a scene, if required.

She hid her face in her palms with shame and helplessness – she knew he would overpower her this time, again. With all the courage left, she gathered herself and went to the door. It was a courier from the online shopping portal she shopped from few days ago.

Right then, she realized, how unhappy her life was.

 

Serendipity

 

What is it like to find love amidst a crowd?

Serendipity

 

 

Bare your wounds.

Stand – waiting, for people to come closer. Some will show interest. Some will cringe from a distance. There would be few who’d murmur about how it’s disgusting and that you shouldn’t have bared it at all. Another lot would laugh at your act – blaming you for all the pain.

Some would even dare to throw salt at your burning wound and run away while others would abuse the one who ran off but do nothing.

You should believe none. Sooner or later, they’ll leave.

However, don’t stop looking. Look far away, search every corner.

What are you searching for, you ask?

You have to look for a face – amidst the crowd – who would be desperate to come closer to you but fearing judgements, stays aloof. You must find that face which flinched each time you shed a tear for your own wound every time it hurt.

When you find that person – that face – look into the eye of that person.

Never look away. That’s when you found love!